We Won, They Lost: My New Modest Proposal

Billions of dollars spent by the Filthy Rich and Corporations to buy the National Presidential Election; a gutless corporate-dominated media, reported by rich media personalities, doing everything they could to make the Election as close as possible and divide America—pretending this was a contest between patriots with an honest difference of opinion, all reasonable people, and not the life or death struggle it was, between the forces of Good and Evil; all of it for naught. Obama won; we won; the Nation and Planet won. The madness ends.

In the final weeks and days of this election cycle, my passions and rage inflamed by the media hype, I called for a Civil War rematch. This time I said, we would finish the job, fighting a war of total annihilation, killing every last one of our fellow citizens living in the Red States. I now freely admit that I was temporarily insane; that such a pogrom is unnecessary. Here is my modest (new) proposal.

America, Obama’s continued naïve insistence that we are the United Stated of America early this morning notwithstanding, is two nations occupying one geographic region of North America. We have to stop this, and we can. Obama should propose to the Congress that we hold a National Plebiscite one year from the legislation’s passage. Any State whose citizens vote, by a two-thirds majority, to secede from the Union, may do so. All of the Old Confederacy and a handful of Midwestern and Western States surely will secede. To recognize and celebrate this happy occasion, we in the Blue States will rename our nation The New United States of America.

                                 

The States that secede will have six months to settle up with the Federal Government—that is, close all military bases and transfer all military and other Federal assets, pay any debts or negotiate a payment schedule, and assist citizens fleeing their jurisdiction. Military personnel can sign a loyalty oath and relocate with the material assets, or resign from the US Military. [We can let their National Guard Units keep their small arms, and even a few tanks, trucks, helicopters, and fighter jet aircraft. Of course, no bombers, nukes, or missiles stay in any former Red State.] These former States can join together, if they choose; maybe name their new nation Jesus Land, the Christian Theocracy they crave.

The one year period before the vote and six months after it will let intelligent, educated, enlightened citizens now inexplicable living in Red States to flee those states and join us. The Red State sympathizers among us can use the same time to remove themselves from our midst and relocate to a Red State. Enlightened Corporations, or ones dependent on science and an educated population of workers, can use the same period to relocate to one of our Former Blue States where they will be welcomed.

As Fundamentalist Christian Jesus Land descends into Third World chaos and pluralistic, humanistic, agnostic and liberal The New United States of America thrives, border former States can petition to rejoin The Union. Once they vote by two-thirds majority, they will be welcomed back, after they purge their state of the idiots who opposed the vote and sign a loyalty oath.

We will not help Jesus Land as it withers and dies. We will watch, some of us gleefully. When Jesus does not save them, they will at least die knowing they were wrong about everything they thought they knew with certainty about life, values, race, and God’s will.